I LOVE YOU?

I miss you – I miss who I am when I’m with you
I love you – I love how you make me feel
I want you – I want you to make me feel good
I need you – I don’t think I’m enough

All of the above are usually said to another with good intentions.
What they can really mean is highlighted above and goes deeper and is usually a lacking in ourselves which is highlighted when we become close to people who make us feel good.

There is nothing wrong with it at all and being with family, friends and loved ones is a blessing. However it can also be a crutch that can lead to needs and expectations placed on the people close to us to continously feed us with happiness because at times we are unaware that we are enough and can make ourselves happy.

We completely disregard what we can offer ourselves and will never take the time to invest in consciously making our own lives on earth better using our own means.
This is something we are greatly missing out on and by ignoring this our own power we create a vortex of lacking which in the end hurts the ones we claim to love by trying to control them in order to get a hit of happiness.

We have all at some point in our lives used the words “I love you, miss you, need you and want you” from fear based reasons that were selfish and to get something back.

Everyone shows thier appreciation for others in different ways and perhaps for some saying I love you comes with no expectations and it simply is just pure love, which is the way it should be.

I’ve been thinking about this in more depth and have come to the conclusion that next time I wish to share my real appreciation for another person I would have to tell them “I love who you are” instead of “I love you”. Instead of I miss you, “I’m thinking of you and sending you good vibes”.
I can’t personally imagine using the words I want you ever again so I don’t have an alternative for that, and lastly instead of I need you, I would say can you……….please.

Why am I thinking of this? Because I want to be selfless and live life from a place of completeness rather than lacking. Peace of mind is priceless and being happy just like anything in life takes concious effort. Being selfless and to consciously choose to make myself and others happy is how I wish to live my life. I never want to take from another to complete myself because it’s a never ending self fulfilling profecy.

Ciao:) xx

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Emotional Carnage


‚ÄčEver realise how short sighted you were emotionally when things were not going right and you were desperate to be okay and happy and have all that you wanted. Everything seemed so urgent and even though you didn’t get what you wanted you’re okay right now?
I remember when I was very depressed and getting CBT to try to find a way to cope from my so called manic life.
The main topic was relationships and my expectations from a relationship.
Discussing how to function everyday despite this undying need to be loved and not rejected.

It seems so important and became an obsession. My need to be valued and loved and needed and wanted was so strong it surpasses common sense.

But no one has full common sense, if you are not emotionally mature then you’ll carry on as a child in need of approval and love. And that’s okay, we all have different levels of emotional intelligence and the whole point of living is to learn and grow.

Looking back now I think oh my what a waste. If only I’d known what I know now I would be happy and lived and enjoyed life in my own terms without influence from my ego, fears or outside sources.

I can see myself right now standing outside myself and living mindlessly. There was no connection between my soul and my body.
It’s like getting into a car and letting thr car drive you rather than you drive the car.

Now i feel in present and connected. You know you are really driving when you feel the wheel, the pedals, the engine. You’re in tune with every shift in gear and every bump. When you think about why you make the turns you make rather than just go with it. It feels alive.

I feel now that I’m long sighted and it almost seems as though I am more one with the world rather than a separate being.
I somehow feel connected without connecting with people.
It feels like a connection to something I can’t see but feel so strong and powerful.

I know that this connection is still at the beginning of it’s life and awareness and that I have more to enjoy and discover.

It is utterly amazing and calming.