When you have been brought up believing you are nothing or unlovable or a second class citizen or beneath anything good you become someone who gets overly excited when someone tells you things that are the opposite of all the negative beliefs you have.
You become someone people can easily use and discard when their needs change.
You become someone who attracts users full stop. It just seems to go hand in hand that way.
You are constantly hurt by people’s actions because “how could they” you will say.
You become a people pleaser, someone that bends backwards for people because you want praise and acceptance or love.
You become everything you are trying to get away from and in turn reinforce your childhood beliefs.
You must force feed yourself with affirmations and build a self image that conveys all the things you want to hear from other people to make you feel good.
You must know 100% that yes you are amazing, special, beautiful, kind, loving and all the other stuff most people want to hear and feel from another person.
So when a special person comes into your life telling you these things you will not become addicted to hearing them because you are already those things.
You will therefore never have blinkers on when the wrong person comes along making you feel special.
That’s how the wrong people get their hooks into you. They tell you what you want to hear and you buy into it and more.
This is related to self love and knowing your worth. Know them and you will never feel any of the negative things you were brought up to believe.
Now how do you incorporate this into your life?
Start by writing down all the things you want to hear and feel from a partner or freind.
Then get yourself dressed up as though you are going out or work or on a date, basically as nice as you can to make you feel great.
Stand in front of a mirror and read out the list of things out loud by saying for example “I am beautiful” “I am amazing” etc.
Spend at least 10 minutes repeating them over and over. Don’t rush through them.
Feel every word and feel every emotion that comes with it.
Make sure you have eye contact and try to look deep into your eyes.
Do this everyday for the rest of your life. Even if you are with someone you should still do this everyday.
There will be days where you don’t feel like dressing up or looking your best that’s fine. Just get up and get in front of that mirror and talk to yourself and tell yourself those things.
No matter how hard it is you do it and you use all the positive emotion you would use if you were saying it to someone else and use it on your self.
Your list may change over time that’s fine, either add to them or remove things from them.
You then need to decide what and who you want to become.
This can take time and you will need help.
I would recommend starting with getting cognitive behavioral therapy to work out how your mind thinks and understanding where those negative self beliefs came from.
Once you know why you are “broken” you can then start building a new self image. You can start deciding who and what you want to be based on your new set of beliefs. I will write more about this in my next blog.
Being a broken person never goes away. It’s a daily battle to find the balance between being selfish and selfless.
Knowing when not to give too much of yourself away because of fear of not being wanted, appreciated or loved.
But you can become aware and you can give yourself the best beginning of your new self, your self loving self.
In time you will recognize straight away people who are wrong for you. You will chose friends that add to your life rather than use you.
You will never have an interaction that leaves you feeling empty because you compromised your needs.
You will not make bad situations or people work because you feel you need them.
You will stand up for yourself.
You will be enough for you and when the right people come into your life you will be able to enjoy them without fear.
Written by Sarah Martin